第一篇：英语剧本（共）
Augustus Does His Bit《奥古斯都尽了他的本份》
英国著名戏剧文学家萧伯纳（Bernard Shaw, 1856_1950）
这是一部讽刺剧，剧中主要人物奥古斯都是一个政府要员，一个上流社会的贵族。他与手下一个小职员和一位女士有这样一段对白：
The clerk:(entering)Are you engaged?
Augustus: What business is that of yours? However, if you will take the trouble to read the society papers for this week, you willsee that I am engaged to the Honourable Lucy Popham, youngest daughter of...The clerk: That isn't what I mean.Can you see a female?
Augustus: Of course, I can see a female as easily as a male.Do you suppose I'm blind?
The clerk：You don't seem to follow me, somehow.There's a female downstairs: what you might all a lady.She wants to know can you see her if I let her up.Augustus: Oh, you mean am I disengaged.Tell the lady I'm busy.(The Clerk goes)Stop!Does she seem to be a person of consequence?
The clerk: A regular marchioness, if you ask me.Augustus: Hm!Beautiful, did you say?
The clerk: A human chrysanthemum, sir, believe me.Augustus: It will be extremely inconvenient for me to see her;but the country is in danger;and we must not consider our own comfort.Think how our gallant fellows are suffering in the trenches!Show her up.(The Clerk goes out.Augustus produces a mirror and a comb from the drawer of his writing-table, and sits down before the mirror to put some touches to his toilet.The Clerk returns, showing in a very attractive lady, brilliantly dressed.Augustus hastily covers up his toilet apparatus with The Morning Post, and rises in an attitude of pompous condescension.)
The clerk(to Augustus): Here she is.(to the lady)May I offer you a chair, lady?(He places a chair at the writing-table opposite Augustus and steals out on tiptoe.)
Augustus: Be seated, madam.The lady:(sitting down)Are you Augustus Highcastle?
Augustus: Madam, I am.The lady:(with awe)The great Lord Augustus?
Augustus: I should not dream of describing myself so, madam;but no doubt I have impressed my country-men-and(bowing gallantly)may I say my country-women—as having some exceptional claims to their consideration.The lady:(emotionally)What a beautiful voice you have!
Augustus: What you hear, madam is the voice of my country.通过这样一段简单的对白，你对主人公奥古斯都产生了什么样的印象？他有什么样的性格特点与价值观念？对主人公持什么态度，是褒还是贬？的写作目的是什么？是在讲一个人的故事，还是在讽刺抨击一种社会时弊？
在这里我们首先看到，当那位职员问道：“Are you engaged?”本意是“你现在忙吗？”奥古斯都却偏偏把这句话理解为“你订婚了吗？”（该句的另一个可能的意思）。这一问一答，不仅说明奥古斯都身为重要政府官员整天满脑子里只有个人私事，答非所问，也说明他不学无术，语言能力低下。因为，在英国的文化中，一名低级的普通政府职员是绝对不可能在公务场合直接问一个重要政府官员的婚姻状况的，那么，“Are you engaged?”的意义只能是“你现在忙吗？“ 另外，奥古斯都的答话“What business is that of yours? However, if you will take the trouble to read the society papers for this week, you willsee that I am engaged to the Honourable Lucy Popham, youngest daughter of...”可以使我们清楚地看到，他一方面自恃清高，傲慢无理，不让人家多管它的私事，另一方面又迫不及待地向别人炫耀他的高贵身份。这又足见他的肤浅。
后来，当那个职员不得不改口说：“Can you see a female?”，本意是“你能否接见一位女士？”时，奥古斯都又错误地理解为“你能看见一位女士吗？。所以，他便回答说他的眼睛并不瞎，他能像看到男性那样容易地看到女性。这完全是驴唇不对马嘴。
对这样一个虚伪，傲慢，无知，低能的家伙，那位可怜的小职员只能选用适用于儿童的直白语言与奥古斯都对话：“You don't seem to follow me, somehow.There's a female downstairs: what you might call a lady.She wants to know can you see her if I let her up.”。
当奥古斯都终于明白有一位女士要见他时，先是推说公务繁忙: ”Tell the lady I'm busy...“，后来, 听说是一位漂亮的女人时，又一心想见，却又要找出一堆根本不搭边的冠冕堂皇的理由：“It will be extremely inconvenient for me to see her;but the country is in danger;and we must not consider our own comfort.Think how our gallant fellows are suffering in the trenches!Show her up.” 似乎他见这个女人是为了国家的利益而做出了重大的自我牺牲。好一付“高大无私的君子”形象。
很明显，是借奥古斯都来映射那些虚伪、傲慢、自私、无能的政府官僚阶层，用讽刺与夸张的手法来抨击时弊，让观众和读者在捧腹大笑的过程中像看漫画一样从中悟出了一个非常严肃的社会问题。
第二篇：英语剧本
梁：Where is my Yingtai?(在机场张望，手在额头，眺望)（场边上）此时，背景音乐 少女时代的Gee祝英台上场 彰显笑点 英台请注意表演（带墨镜，行李，走到场中央，摆造型）
梁：英台~（叫）
祝：山伯~（摘掉眼镜，扔掉行李）
（抱）
梁: I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.祝:I love you, too!Don’t worry.BoBo, I only love you in this world.I’ll marry you as soon as I’m back.Wait for me just for two years.梁: I’ll kiss you across the Pacific Ocean.祝:I’ll kiss you from the other side.Wait for me.BoBo,this time I really should be going.依依不舍 背景音乐《答应不爱你》响起，两人分别逐步后退（梁做出伤心传）
第二场景： 英母喜爱马文才 英父痛批贪婪心
英母：darlingdarling。。（拉住英父）
英父： 怒气转身No matter what you Say, it is useless.The child's weddingcould not be so hasty（仓促的）.英母：but dearling ,Mawencai was so cool and so rich, There is no doubt that this is matched(相匹配的)for marriage.And ……..被英父打断
英父： I told you many times, we could notdecideying tai’s wedding.英母：darling….（转身面向观众）The Furthest Distance in The World Is not between life and death.But when I stand in front of you ,Yet you do not known he is so handsome.The furthest distance in the world Is not between poor and rich, but when I stand in front of you, Yet you can not see his love to ying tai.父：no matter what yousay …..旁白：马文才，is coming ~（大声）（父母整理衣服，匆忙坐下）（马文才上，拿折扇）
马：哇~，who is the man（看着镜子），heisso handsome,ok, everybody，it is me（扇子），I am马文才（跟着一小弟，在场中央向观众介绍自己）
（完后，走向父母，鞠躬）
父：You are the Ma Wencai？（语气，不屑，不喜欢）
马：yes，A good man is me, I am.....Ma Wencai（扇子，造型）
英母：oh，That was you，come in，sit down please!
马：aunt, I love yingtai so much，you know.I want to make it，here are my gifts，100 bottles of Guojiao1573.（场中央）
英母：After drinking 1573, the legs are not painful, waist not sour.跳江南style.马：three Benz and a big house in the seaside and so on.I hope you will like them!
母：there is no doubt that yingtai must be yours , you are so handsome.父： NO way!大怒指着马
马：that’s why?
英父：I will ask you some questions ,listen ….马：OK
英父：Do you know the Marxism Leninism Mao Zedong Thought and Deng Xiaoping Theory and three represents the eight honors and Eight Disgraces
马：I don’t know.英父：Do you know how big the sun is, the moon is round？
马：I don’t know.英父：Do you know 黄岩island and 钓鱼island belong to China马：I don’t know.父：Do you know why the thunder, see lightning first, then hear the sound 马：ye, This I know.。。（激动，举手）
父:en?
马：It is because the eyearein front of the ear,haha
Fu：fuck you，It is because light travels faster than sound（用扇子打他的头）
英父：Do you see yourself? you look like a pig who know nothing?（转向英母）You ask me to Take yingtaito marry him how I can trust him ?英母：I have no words.马：but aunt have accepted my 3 million dollars and gifts.父：money ？You think money can buy everything?True love is priceless！Only 3 million dollar….only 3 million dollar….only 3 million dollar….（逐渐反应过味来）3 million？3 million！！Why didn't you tell me earlier(朝向英母，怒吼)，I fuck you too too。。
父：（转身，讨好）OKOKYou give me 3 million dollarand yingtai belongs to you
马：Hey, money is really a good stuff
第三场景：马文才逼迫 祝英台越洋提分手 梁山伯闻此心伤悲
梁与祝通过手机聊天
梁: Oh, honey, I miss you so much, miss you every minute every second.Oh my dear.Are you listening to me?
祝:(高兴的说)Yeah.（马文才怒视之，祝被迫改变语气）Liang Shanbo.I’m calling to tell you that I loved you.But I think you’d better find a better girl.梁: What? Pardon?
祝: Because I’ll get married.Myparents had taken me to marry Ma WencaiHe is so handsome, just like 刘德华.So rich, even richer than比尔盖茨.And he is good at 葵花宝典。I love his money and I love his body.梁: What are you talking about?
祝：shanbo, If life deceives(欺骗)you, don't be sad, don't be impatient!believe me.everything will pass, and all these things will become a kind of memory.（放背景音乐《好久不见》）
梁听到那些话悲伤的说不出话来，英台痛哭，马把英台拉下舞台。
梁：（流着泪喊着英台的名字，后来擦干眼泪说）：英台，do not leave me.It can not be true, I will learn English and I must go to America.(梁拿出书，苦读)
旁白：From the beam Shangbo finally understand the importance of English, reading English every day
梁：（摇头苦读）I have a dream.even though I face the difficulties of today and tomorrow,It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and lives out the true meaning of its creed.I have a dream that one day I will go toAmerica and find 英台.It is a dream that deeply rooted in my heart.In my heart.(深情的说)英台，英台，I know it is not true, I know you still love me.旁白：After hard study, 梁 making great progress in English, so he decided to go to the United States of America
马和英台一起唱两个小蜜蜂（这时梁上）（这个可改成有意思的英文儿童舞蹈，我听说《head shoulder》很有意思）
梁：马文才~
马：梁山伯~（俩人绕圈走，挽袖子）（周欣驰电影
（拿出剑），打斗
梁输，被打倒在地。。
马：（拿剑指着马，大笑，）梁乘机拿出手枪，开枪，打向手臂，剑掉~！（音乐，枪声）
马：You....You.Is too mean.梁：fuck，what time is it，youstill use武术，You are out（拿着枪，在嘴前吹了几下）You, get out of here.马：my life is more important and I have to go now.英父（英父出）：Oh, no , you can not go , your money haven't given to me
英父追着马下场。
英台：（跑向梁）山伯山伯，how are you?
梁: I am fine.yingtai ,Wherever you go, whatever you say, I’ll always stay with you.I only know I was born to love you.祝: I know I know andI love you too.I love you just like The mouse like rice.梁: Really?
祝: ye
梁：really？
祝：ye（害羞）
这时音乐响起，他们一边唱歌一边跳舞
梁：（唱）亲爱的，你张张嘴，风中花香会让你沉醉。
祝英台：（唱）亲爱的，你跟我飞，穿过丛林去看小溪水。
马：（唱）亲爱的，来跳个舞，爱的春天不会有天黑。
梁祝：（合唱）我和你缠缠绵绵翩翩飞，飞越这红尘永相随，追逐你一生，爱你无情悔，不辜负我的柔情你的美，我和你缠缠绵绵翩翩飞，飞越这红尘永相随，等到秋风起秋叶落成堆
能陪你一起枯萎也无悔。（祝依偎在马的怀里，幸福）
(这个音乐要换成合适的英文歌曲)
全剧终
第三篇：英语剧本
Qu Yuan(about before 304Songs of the South, breaking the “Book of Songs” manifestations, greatly enriching the performance of poetry, the Poetry of Ancient China opened up a new horizon.successors will therefore “Songs of the South” and “The Book of Songs” and called “Wind, showmanship.” “Wind, show” Poetry is the history of realism and romanticism two fine traditions sources.Meanwhile, a representative of Qu Yuan Chu also affects the formation of Han Fu.In the history of China, Qu Yuan is a most people admire and love poet.According to “Qi added harmonic mind” and “Geography of the Sui Dynasty” set, Qu Yuan May 5 for the Lunar Jiang himself.Chinese Folk Festival May 5 packet Ancients, dragon-boat race on the custom of people from the right to commemorate Qu Yuan M , Qu Yuan was also classified as the world “four celebrity culture,” one by the World Peace Council and the people of the world the solemn commemoration
QuYuan walked towards a bank of MiLo laying his long hair down to the full length.His face was pale like a lief.A fisherman saw him and asked:“aren't you the Prime Minister ”san lv“?Why do you come here.Why your condition is so bad?”Qu said:“The people in the whole world are turbidy like polluted water.But I am so clean.Besides, They are drunk ,but I am awake.Because of this reason ,I got expulsion as the punishment given by the king.The fisherman said:”If someone is a great man ,he will stand by the whole world people supporting their opinion.even it isn't truth.Now that ,the people in the whole world are turbidy like poplluted
Qu Yuan, a Chinese literary history of the greatest and most distinguished Romantic poet, called him after the work is “Songs of the South.” Masterpiece is the “Lament”, which is the longest of Qu Yuan a lyric poem, a total of three hundred seventy-three, two thousand seven hundred and seventy seven words of the poem describes the poet to practice their own political views are being attack and persecution, must express their inner pain, faithful to the people and the feelings of the motherland.Qu Yuan in the long journey of exile, the spirit and life suffered devastation and suffering is imagined.One day he is Singing River, encountered a fishing hermit, hermit to see him looking haggard haggard, advised him “Do not rigidly stick to”, “easy-going number”, and the bigwigs were in cahoots.Yuan said: “I would rather go to Xiang River flows buried in the belly of the fish;security can Haohao of white, and almost dust mask secular?” Year seven to eight tests, was the capital of Chu Chi broken, the spirit of the poet has been a great blow, seeing the difficulty of breaking the country, but can not use his power, he was so frightened that in extreme disappointment and pain, the poet came to the east of the Yangtze River Miluo, bouldering and drowned.He died about sixty years old, it is the Lunar May tenth.Two thousand years of age, which in the course of history can not be considered just a moment, but despite the drain, dusk to dawn-to, the image of the poet Qu Yuan, but still remain in people's heart.Today, Dragon Boat Festival every day, people are still in the river in the dragon boat racing, the dumplings, multicolored silk tie to commemorate the great poet Qu Yuan, see the works of the poet and the spirit is eternal it!
该文章转载自无忧考网：http://.xiexiebang.competence, Jin Chu court soon to be appreciated, has left office only,三闾doctor, but the political reform that has not been able to achieve the final grade has been cut exile.Was subsequently informed that all Ying QIN Bing Chu break, like a bolt from the blue, very sad, we came to the riverside Perot, picked up a stone, jump for Jiang himself.“Qu Yuan's spirit,” a stretch of more than 2,000 years, inspiring generations of Chinese people, this is a spiritual treasure of the Chinese nation, no matter when and where, for us is always an educational and inspiring.
第四篇：英语剧本
剧本蛮搞笑的，单词也都是常见的，台词最多的是太子丹，啊三和荆轲，因为荆轲要求比较壮的，所以我选的角色是太子丹或者是啊三。大家看看这个剧本先，如果觉得还可以就选这个并看好自己要哪个角色，周四给我答复，如果觉得这个剧本不行的话就说一下，我们再找，不过要尽快哦！！
这个剧本里的主要角色有：荆轲，太子丹，啊三，嬴政，荆柯夫人，观众甲（负责一句台词和所有画外音）
旁白： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.很久以前，有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家里有很多疯狂的人，试图通过疯狂的方法展示疯狂的历史。荆轲先生是最有名的剑客并被送去刺杀秦皇“嬴政”。但最后失败了。你想知道那个时候发生了什么事吗？OK，下面的视频会告诉你真相。
Action1 第一幕
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 镜子，镜子，告诉我，谁是世界上最完美的男人？（画外音：是你，太子丹）谢谢你镜子！（面对观众）我是太子丹，神奇的镜子说我是世界上最具吸引力的男人，但嬴政是个爱嫉妒的家伙，我觉得如果镜子告诉了他真相，他会杀了我。我好害怕，我该怎么办？(向幕里大喊)我的大臣呢？
阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I aming.宝贝，我在这里
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!我已经一次又一次的告诉过你你应该叫我“我最漂亮的，最优雅的，最帅的，最迷人的，最可爱的，最聪明的并且最亲爱的太子丹！”
阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）好的，宝贝。我有一个好主意。我们可以找一个英雄去杀嬴政。
太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensivemodity in this century? Talent!二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！(拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea But who is the right candidate?好主意，但谁才是好的人选呢？
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.经过筛选现在我手上有两个有希望的人选，一个是李莫愁小姐，另一个是荆轲先生。明天他们会为世界第一杀手的称号进行决斗。
太子丹：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
嗯，尽可能快的告诉我谁是胜利者OK?
阿三：Yes.好的
Action II第二幕
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲: Are you Li mochou?你是李莫愁吗？
李莫愁:Yes.荆轲 : OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.好的，我是荆轲，你知道的，我会让你知道我是杀手界的王
李莫愁Are you challenging me?你是在向我挑战吗？
荆轲
Off course!耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁Come on!
音乐起（人在江湖飘）
两人冲上前来
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?发生什么事了？为什么你没有受伤
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?
赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？
李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.妈妈经常跟我说：“生活就像一盒巧克力，莫愁，你永远不知道你将拿到哪一颗”我明白了，妈妈是对的。
荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 我的天啊！你能对“你好吗？”这句话给我个新颖点的回答吗？
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?很好，谢谢你。你夫人好吗？
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!嘿朋友，我是开玩笑的
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
我也是来玩笑的（毕恭毕敬）能给我你的名片吗?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.英雄，我们需要帮助
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.你可以得到许多钱
荆柯：I am very busy now!我现在很忙
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?IC,ID,IQ卡？
荆柯：I am very very busy now!我现在非常非常忙
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.看，它是世界上最漂亮的女孩，如果你说好，她就是你的了。
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!我不得不说她是个非常性感，非常漂亮的女孩，但TCM是我唯一的爱
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?什么？什么是TCM？
荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.嘿，家伙，你看起来很聪明为什么你不知道什么是TCM?他们中的任何一个人都可以告诉你答案
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?不好意思，什么是TCM
观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.中国传统MM
太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.我必须出动我的王牌了。女士们，先生们，这是中国联合利华的一个品牌新产品“立顿纤体茶”
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.纤体茶？我已经梦想了上百次了，我的夫人总是威胁我说肉过我不能减肥成功的话她就会离开我
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!（荆轲伸手拿著。啊三不肯放手）Do you really like? Really?你要吗？如果你要就说出来！你为什么保持沉默？为什么这样看我？虽然你的眼睛里很平静，但我很开心，你最后还是得说出来，拿着它。（荆轲伸手拿著。啊三不肯放手）你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.告诉我我该怎么做？我会为你做任何事
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш 第三幕
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.英雄，我们已经来到易水河了
荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends就到这吧，再见，我的朋友们
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.我会想念你的，宝贝
荆珂：Darling, I love you.亲爱的，我爱你
妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!我爱你，对我来说，你比整个世界都重要
荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you
我爱你，哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你
妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.嗯，做一个男子汉，我会在这里等着你的
泰坦尼克号音乐
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise.亲爱的，你要帮我个忙，答应我活下去，无论发生什么事，无论多么没希望，你都不要放弃，现在就答应我，并且永远不要背弃它
妻子:“I promise.” 我答应
荆轲:“Never let go.永不背弃“
妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go." 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die.Nevere back.Never…… Never……
这是一个死亡的好日子，永远不要回来，永远，永远
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your ount.非常感谢你，我拿到一百万美金的人身保险后马上把五十万美金打到你的账户
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End
第五篇：英语剧本[范文模版]
荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
演员：荆轲
太子丹
随从阿三
李莫愁
荆轲妻子 旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲
Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲
OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁
Are you challenging me? 荆轲
Off course!耸耸肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音乐起 两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒 荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着： To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card? 荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 观众甲：TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“
妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去 妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.Justice Is The Winner(正义必胜)by Cecilia Liu 劉怡芬
5人短剧。搞笑的匪徒,搞笑的绑架案，不错的剧本。人物
Bunny Cheng: Bunny Chen Eliza Lin: Daughter Celine Tu: Reporter et Aside Sano Hsieh: Small gangster(小流氓)Trent Cheng: Big gangster(大流氓)------------------SCENE I A mother is doing exercise in the living room when the phone is ringing.And her daughter is in the school now.Mom: Hello~ Caller:(A boy is crying.)Ha!Your kid is here.Do you hear his voice? If you want to save your kid, prepare the ransom.Mom: Are you crazy? I don’t have a son！!Don’t try to cheat me.Stupid guy!The mother is very angry and hung up the phone.But later… the phone is ringing again… Mom: Hello~ Caller: Hello~ Are you busy now? Mom:(I recognize the voice.)You are a fraud, right? Do you want to trick me again? Is it fun? Don’t do such a boring thing, O.K.? I won’t believe you.Caller: Really? Listen to this.(A girl is crying on the phone, ”mom, help me~ help me~)Mom: Oh~ you are a good actor.This time is better but I still won’t fall into your trap to rob me of my money!If you call again, I will call the cop.Do you understand?(Hang up the phone more angrier.)But the voice sounds like her daughter’s and the mom is not disturbed.She decides to go to the elementary school to see her daughter.The mom got there… Mom: Eliza~ Eliza: Mom~ why you are here? Are you missing me? Do you come here to pick me up? Mom: Ya~ are you happy in the school? Let’s go home.I want to tell you something on the way home.Mom tells Eliza about the phone scam and wants her to be careful from now on.SCENE II英语剧本大全ww.coffbar.com Because the mother didn’t believe the two gangsters really kidnapped her kid, the gangsters were furious.So they decided to kidnap her daughter this time.The gangsters have found the school her daughter studies in, and observed for many days.Today is the day they plan to kidnap the child.The big gangster always focuses on what he’s doing but the small gangster is usually absent-minded.Big gangster: Hey!Concentrate！(The big gangster hit the small gangster’s head)
Small gangster: Ouch!O.K.O.K.At this moment, the girl appears.Small gangster:(Check the picture.)Hey！Buddy！Look!Is that her? Big gangster: Ha!Ha!Ha!It’s hunting time.Small gangster: I’m so excited！Oh~ what a beautiful girl.Just like a fairy.My sweetheart… Buddy do you know? I feel that I get butterflies in my stomach!Big gangster:(Hitting the small gangster’s head again.)Hey!Wake up！Stop day-dreaming.Let’s make a move!Small gangster: Oh~ my baby~ I’m coming！
Big gangster: Hey！Lady！Can you do me a favor? Eliza: Sure!What can I do for you? Small gangster:(Murmuring)This beautiful lady has a beautiful heart.Big gangster: Sorry.Ignore what he said.Eliza: Never mind!Big gangster: Thanks!I want to go to Tunghai University.Do you know how can I get there? Eliza: Oh… you should go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left.Keep going straight and you would see the university.Big gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, turn right and we will see a supermarket at the end of the street.And… Eliza: No!No!No!Go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left.Keep going straight and you would see the university.Small gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, then turn left and go straight to the end of the street, then we can see the university.Eliza: Oh, my!No!Wrong again!You two are really a stupid guy.Big gangster: It’s too complex.I can’t remember all the directions.I’m a foreigner.And I have an important presentation there.Could you go with us, guide us there? Please~ Eliza was confused.But she is a kind person and she likes to help people.Eliza: Umm… let me think… okay！Let’s go!Small gangster: How kind of you！My little girl.Big gangster: Sorry.Just ignore him.Thank for your help.Eliza goes with the gangsters.In the gangsters’ car, the small gangster suddenly shows a sharp knife.And shouts, “Don’t move!” Eliza is shocked and starts screaming.Eliza: What are you doing? Small gangster: I’m kidnapping you!Eliza: Oh~ I am so scared.Small gangster:(Talk to the big gangster.)Did you hear that, she is scared? Big gangster: Ya~ we are professional.Eliza: Not funny!I’m hungry.I want to go home!I want to go home!Small gangster: Shut up.Don’t be so noisy!Eliza keeps crying.Small gangster: You!Get out of the car!Big gangster:(Hit the small gangster angrily!)Idiot!I have a stupid partner.(Disappointed)Eliza: I agree!(Nod head.)Big gangster: Don’t cry baby, I give you a lollipop.Eliza: Thank you.How kind of you.SCENE III Mother is preparing dinner.Mom: Eliza!Eliza!Time for dinner!I’m hungry!Hurry up!No one answers her.And she realizes there is something wrong.Mom: Eliza, where are you? Don’t play hide and seek with me!It’s not funny.I’m hungry.As the mother is finding her daughter, the phone rings.Mom: Hello~ this is Anderson.I’m busy finding my daughter.Don’t bother me!
Big gangster: Are you finding your daughter? Ha!Ha!Ha… she is right here.Mom: Good job!Tell her it’s time for dinner.I’m hungry!Big gangster: Hey!You are clueless.I have already kidnapped your daughter, Eliza Anderson!Mom: Hey!Buddy!Don’t trick me!
Big gangster: Sure!Listen!(The gangster takes the phone to Eliza.)Eliza: Hello!Mom!I’m here!They are so kind.They gave me a lollipop.The gangster takes the phone away.Big gangster: Do you believe me now? If you want your daughter to come back for dinner.You have to prepare the ransom of NT $ 20,000,000.Mom: Too expensive!20% off.Big gangster: Are you buying clothes? Mom: Bargain is my hobby.Big gangster: No negotiation you should bring the ransom to Tunghai Lake at 8:00 pm.And remember don’t call the cop.Or you will find your daughter in the lake.Mom: O.K.See you then!At Tunghai Lake.The gangsters and Eliza are baking fish from the lake because they are hungry.At this time, the mother is coming.Mom: Ha!(Mom shouts.)The gangsters and Eliza are shocked.And the small gangster’s fish is falling down on the floor.Small gangster: Oh,!My fish!Who’s there?
Mom: It’s me, Bunny Anderson, Eliza’s mother, Anderson’s wife.Where is my daughter? Release my daughter.Eliza: Hi!Mom, I’m here.Do you want to come here to eat fish? Big gangster: Where is the ransom? Mom: Release my daughter first!Big gangster: Give me the ransom first!Mom: No way!And the battle begins.Mom: Justice is always the winner.Eliza: Oh~ Yeah!Mom, you win!Celine: Ha!I got it!I got it!A new…… headline.Celine: I am at Tunghai Lake.Earlier, there was a violent fighting.A watermelon knife V.S.A B.B.Q.fork.According to the witnesses, a mother fought with the gangsters for her daughter.And the mother won.Now, let’s interview the persons involved.Celine: Do you feel regretful? Do you feel sorry to this society? Small gangster: I……
Celine: I…… I know.You are very sorry and regretful.How about you?(Turn to the big gangster.)Big gangster: None of your business.(Run to the wall.)Leave me alone.Eliza: Me!Me!
Celine: What do you want to say? Eliza: Uh…My mom is so cool.She came to save me!Mom: My turn.My turn.Celine: O.K.O.K.What do you want to say after winning the fight? Mom: Well……
Celine: Well, you are very happy and proud of yourself to be the winner in the battle.Mom: Yes.And the gangsters…
Celine: Oh, the gangsters are very stupid and silly.Mom: Right.And they…
Celine: They want to trick you, but…
Mom: But… enough.I’m hungry.I want to go home with my daughter.Celine: Next time, if you receive a phone call from a scam artist, here are the things you can do to avoid being tricked.First, stay clam and be skeptical about it.The caller hopes to fool you with a moving story, causing you to forget your good judgment.A little doubt can protect you.Second, verify the story.Call the organization to make sure the story is true.Third, report it to the police.And don’t deal with the villains on your own.One phone call will often expose a trap quickly.However, to tell the truth, the mother is really very brave.She is my idol.I want to keep her sign.This is reporter Celine reporting from Tunghia Lake for TVAS.搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》 搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
king 陆小凤
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet villageis covered with white snow.Bird sare dancing in the cold.A man is walking along the street ,step by step.Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches.Y与X相遇．
X：oH , I am sorry to knock you!
Y:Haha, Never mind baybay.X:Excuse me，who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?
Y:ha ha ,I won’t change my name!no matter what happens.I’m the most famous-------Ye Gucheng.Who are you?
X:Iam ximen chuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximen chui xue?
X:Yes,what is wrong?
Y:I heard that you are the besting MartialArts?
X:Great, you know me!
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me!Let me go!
X:No, I must kill you!
Y:I don'''t want to be killed.There are a eighty-year-old mothe and a three-year old son to be lookedafter by me!
X:No way!Because we are fighting now!you know?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don''''''t forceme!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, very good!Ilike drinking it.How do you know that?
Y:please drink it!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Do you still want to kill me?
X:Sure, must!Milk is milk.Y(恼怒 冷酷):Very good!Very good!I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X:I’m sure I won’t!
Y:I must give you a lesson!If Idon''tbeat your this time, you’ll never be have properly!3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach!
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可怜状: help!help!Where is the washroom?
Y:What ?
X:Toliet?
Y:What ?
X:The “WC”?
Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you seea corssingroad!
X:Thanks,byebye.Y掏出纸屑吹:This is genui rne snow!
H:Stop!Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!
Y:Who are you?
H:Hua---man----lou!Hav eyou seen ximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in“WC” now,ha……
H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world!
Y:You are right!
H:Teriffic!you are the one my king looking for!Do you want to join in us?
Y:Yes,It’s very good.H:Ok, followme, Let’s go to see my king!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
第二幕：无间道
H:My dearest!let me introduce ye gucheng to you!（指Y）this is ye gucheng.K:sit down plese, yegucheng.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Ye gucheng!Do you want to follow my kingn omatter what happens such as cold headache,sair and aids?
Y: Yes,Ido.K: Hua manlou, come.put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:Only you……(看到戒子)this ring should be mine!
K:But who are you? Why should it belong you?
Y急切: king!dearking!Imust go now,my brother is looking for me!huoxi(维语再见)
K:huoxi? What does that mean? It is not English, isn’t it ?
Y:How clever……
X冷酷:ye gucheng!Come here!I want to tell you something!
Y抱X的腿:old brother!Forgive me!
X:Forgiveme? Why?
Y: Once there was a change before me,I lost it.If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you“I love you”,If there must be a limited period,I hope it is a thousand years!
X:You shall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can you tell the lady’s“WC”!
Y:I like going lady’s WC.I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)
X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)
K: ayixidailu?What’s the meaning? Why I also can’t understand you?
X:You are stupid!It means“I love you”.K:Don’t say that“you love me”.I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me!
X:What?(侧耳装着听不到)You---kill----me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)
K:Fuck you.I must kill you!
X:How can you kill me? haha……
Y:Let me have a try!3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
K: thank you very much, you save me.Now, I’ll give you the ticket for American tolet you
have a vacation.Y:That’s good.But there is one more thing.Can you give me a MM ?I want to go American with her.K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me!Hahaha……
Y:Hahaha-----
H:Where’s somewhere?
K:What?
Y:Do you want to go lady’s“WC”?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.H顶着摇头：X,no, no，you can’t go to Lady’s “WC”.That is not the place where you can go into!because you are X!you are the best man of Chinese kongfu!
X: what if I’m the best in the word?!why I try my best to live but I’m still so miserable ? when can I get my freedom? Must be the dead day ?!
K: you are right.One will not be clever until the day he die.In that case ,why will you die in such a bad sorrow way!go into the Lady’s WC , then die , comfortablly!go ahead!
H: you , stupid , bad behavior!go away!
K;why ? why do you help him!who acturally are you ?
H: my real name Is Lu Xiaofeng------the wife of X.I’m a spy.K惊讶:!you---you---You are Lu Xiaofeng ? X’wife ?
Y: I have already recognized you.a tricker!do you know, you are the first person who cheated me!because of you ,I decide never believe anyone else ,including myself.you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today!(轻声说)Ｘwill die ,go and see him ,please.H扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning!
K:what amoving story!I was impressed!
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume!
H: life Is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume!
(H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:don’t leave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please not abandon me!realize that I’m wrong.help me,I intend to be back ,help me ,I key you ,beg you------help me.I’ll never do that again!(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together.X:go home!?
H:Tomorrow is another day!even you have the last second to live,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love!
X:do you want me live a lifein such a sorrow way ? ok , ok , I promise I will be alive for you.but!you know, I have no time left ,but you have ,promise that you will be happy everyday!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now ,and never let go of that promise.H: I promise.X:Never let go.H:I promise.I will never let go ，X.I''ll neve let go.(X死)
H:be alive!yeah , be alive!be alive without a hendance!life can be chance like time can go to back.there is beatiful snow but in sping , so life can come from the beginning!（H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。）
这是我找来的3个剧本，第一个我们演过，效果还不错，因为台词比较搞笑。。第二个我觉得比较难演出效果来，至于第三个，不知道你们看没看过《陆小凤传奇》，这个剧本里的陆小凤错了，他应该是个男的，所以剧本要改改。看你们选哪个，如果觉得第三个的情节不错很适合的话，改改也行。
正剧也有，不过没整理，因为觉得正剧可能演出来效果不好，所以只整理了搞笑的，如果想演正剧的话，和我说下，我再找找。。
